Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Found your dick twin last night
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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