can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
