White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sext me about skeletons
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
