i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just gargled with NyQuil
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
