a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
17 year olds will be the death of me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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