he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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