Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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