I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
