You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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