am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
