i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
