Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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