His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Randomize
