Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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