If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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