Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
