Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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