I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
