what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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