He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
