Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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