It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
