are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What a dumb baby whore.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
