her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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