I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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