this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
