Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
