Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
