I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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