Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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