He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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