im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize