My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
