let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
