I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Im part way to drunk.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
