I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
