I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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