also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
