I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
