Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Im part way to drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
