Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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