So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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