im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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