no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
