Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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