is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
