Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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