omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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