So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
