if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
