2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
