OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
