you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize