This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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