I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
