I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
In America we eat man semen.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
