I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
