Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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