you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
