Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sober January is a disaster.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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