I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
