If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
