Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
