Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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