That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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